We must Never Give Up on ourselves!!!
How does someone who all he wants to do is please everyone not be able to? Would it matter if he was a child / adult? Would it matter which stage in life he is at? Regardless of any of these answers, we must never give up on ourselves.
Growing up in a Chassidish school no matter what I did it was never good enough. For one reason or another (probably my undiagnosed learning disabilities) I never got a good grasp on my Judaic studies and that made me a target. A target for what you ask; well, the truth is everything.
The truth is that for the most part during my youth I was a victim of one type of abuse or another. However, when I look back and I think about what hurt me most it’s not the abuse or bullying, it’s the mocking of any effort I put forth. I think about my children and I care less about the grade than the actual effort put in to get that grade.
It is self-evident to me why that is but could somebody explain that to my Rebbe in Yeshiva. The English education in Yeshiva was poor to say the least but it was easyish. If you need further clarification on this issue please visit http://www.yaffed.org. My math teacher who I don’t remember if he was Jewish, was teaching us about graphs and for some reason I was into it.
I made this beautiful graph about cars and my teacher was so impressed that I think I stunned him. I finally did it, I pleased someone! I was so over the top about this I couldn’t stop talking about it, my mistake was I did so as my Rebbe walked into class the next day. What proceeded to happen was as horrific as could possibly be. He opened his Gemara, called me to his desk, grabbed my graph I worked so hard on, and instead of doing his job berated me why I was wasting my time with this Shtisim (nonsense) in an extremely public and embarrassing way.
I went and tried to complain to my Menahel (principal) and he slapped me. WTF??? Besides the fact that this was pure physical abuse, why not at least hear me out?
The thought of what I might have to say, as scary and true it might be, would mean he would have to deal with it. Not in a healthy way of course, but how dare I bother him with this SHIT? What is the easiest way to deal with this? Silence him! Make him give up!
One of the main reasons for writing this blog is to tell them, “you may have won the battle but not the war.” It may have taken me 20 years, but I’m here to tell you I haven’t forgotten. Just because I gave up for 20 years and the Emes (truth) might appear as if it’s not true doesn’t make it any less true!
To anybody who has and/or continues to suffer, please don’t give up on yourself; We Must Never Give Up On Ourselves! Be brave! Be Strong. Reach out to anyone, reach out to me if you want. Together, let’s continue the revolution of exposing the truth about the abuse that has and continues to be so pervasive in the Yeshivas we grew up in. Thank you, YK!!
To anyone who will read this, I welcome all comments, ideas, and/or suggestions. Thank you, YK!!